He saw some of them, aye, but he wasn’t going to walk in the Breeze and stand at the bar with them, was he? It’s not that kind of life, when you’re a man of the cloth. You’ve got to stand aloof.’
The conversation veered off in other directions, by virtue of some unspoken agreement that passed between us. Nostalgia and beer are a potent combination in themselves; and when Mum got the photo album out and cracked it open in the middle we had the emotional perfect storm. There we all were: Matt and me in short trousers, Dad all tanned and handsome - ‘a dark horse’, my grandma used to call him, with mingled disapproval and admiration - and Mum looking like a million dollars.
‘Where did it go?’ I asked, wonderingly. ‘We just—’ I couldn’t find a word for it, so I pantomimed it instead - holding my hand in front of my face with the fingers pursed together, then opening it wide. ‘Where did that come from? One minute we’re a family, the next we’re . . . in the wind.’
Mum didn’t answer. She just turned a few pages in the book back and folded i›ck eigt open at a page we hadn’t seen yet.
I stared at the photos, suddenly sober despite the seven or eight beers I’d downed.
‘It took a while,’ Mum said, her tone soft. ‘It didn’t happen all at once.’
17
I didn’t leave Nimrod Street until almost ten p.m., by which time I’d drowned that little nugget of cold, hard sobriety in a few more beers and a lot more talk. But the talk was getting harder and harder to sustain, and the question of where I was going to spend the night was getting more and more pressing.
Mum had offered me a bed, which I’d declined with thanks. The impassable ground again: the conversation leading us into the middle of a minefield and leaving us there without a map or a metal detector. She’d asked me about Matt. When had I last seen him and how was he doing? I’d passed the question off with some made-up bit of news about his teaching work, because the truth was that I never asked Matt about his life.